The Quest

From Steve Vaught’s Journal: http://www.thefatmanwalking.com/journalpage5.html

Steve actually is not a success yet. He has taken steps to change his life for the better, but internally, he has not yet been able to make changes on the inside. He needs time, reflection, and duress to force himself into making the long term changes that will keep him around for his family in the long term. We have already been able to visit with him probably 7 or 8 times in the almost two months he has been away. We stayed with him a hotel once and had to bring him back to the house twice. While he was in San Diego County and Temecula, we had lunch with him nearly every day. I plan to visit him on Father's Day, he will be in Arizona by then and again, when he gets to Albuquerque where my brother lives. We will probably meet up with him in Ohio, (if we can swing it) him and his relatives. This will be a great adventure for the kids and when he has finished, my daughter will be very proud of him on many levels. It is difficult sometimes, but this is a necessary departure. If he were in the military again, we would go just as long sometimes without seeing him. At least, this is for our future. I am not worried about money. Like he said, "We can get more stuff". My daughter and son cannot get another father. He has my 100% support in this. I have known him since I was 14. We have been a couple for 10 years. I know what will happen if he comes home now. He hasn't found the answers yet and for those people that haven't suffered through the kinds of things that he has probably just wouldn't understand. It is because he has a responsibility to us that he is putting himself through this. We don't have a complete family. The kids miss out on having their dad involved in their lives more. Steve and I both grew up without our fathers and neither one of us want that for our children. What if he decided not to go after all. What if he decided to wait six months, and died of a heart attack in the meantime. There is no time like the present. We will do the best that we can and there are many people that succeed with less than what we have. We are strong and determined and that is what we have on our side. I don't mean to convince you. Some people just aren't going to get it. Alcoholics get it. People who have serious addictions understand the difficulty and the necessity for a mental "journey". The path is different for everyone, and for Steve, this is it. This is the thing that will work. I would rather say goodbye for 6 months than have him half here for the next 5 and have to say goodbye forever. I know he will work it out on the road. We don't have insurance or the money for surgery, besides that wouldn't fix his internal problems. He would be left with a mess of a body and a mess in his head. There are many people that climb mountains, hike, or bike dangerous territory with children at home. What Steve is doing isn't even really dangerous. It's just scary. He is smart enough not to do himself in and we are lucky enough to have plenty of support here at home. It is the hard part, the adversity that makes us stronger as a family. Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate where you are coming from. This isn't my ideal life, but we don't get to choose. It is what it is, and we have to make the best of it. This is making the best of it. –April